Cyber Enemies

Well, I guess I should have seen it coming.

I have made my very first cyber enemy. I've been a bit shocked about it, I must say. Because, up until now, I have had nothing but good experiences with the people I have met online. Even when we disagree vehemently about something (well, usually politics or religion), most of my cyber-acquaintances are reasonable people who can deal with differences among friends.

I have finally found one who can't. Well, I can't really say she was ever my friend because she never deigned to talk to me in the three or so years I've been hanging around online. I wasn't really a part of her circle, she wasn't around much, and our interests didn't often intersect. So that was fine with me.

Until recently. And, of course, it would have to be the Super Bowl that did it. Apparently, according to this person, Pittsburgh people are obnoxious. And she hates the Steelers. And it was obvious to her that the refs cheated, the Steelers cheated, and the Bengals, Colts, Broncos, and, most especially, the Seahawks were robbed. And besides, Pittsburgh and the people there suck. Even though she's never been here. Or met me. Or, apparently, anyone else from Pittsburgh.

And then I committed the cardinal sin of praising the people of my fair city when they made me especially proud. Again, I had to hear about how I, the Steelers, and the entire Pittsburgh metropolitan area are all obnoxious and should really just shut the hell up.

And then, in a perfect example of how the most innocuous thing can set some unstable people off, I actually ventured an opinion about pizza. To anyone who knows me, the opinion I stated would have come off as one of my smartass remarks that, though it is stated in no uncertain terms, should be taken as mock authoritative. But, since this person has never taken an interest in me or what I am about, it actually generated one of the most hostile replies I have ever received online. AND ALL OVER A FUCKING PIZZA POST?????????

So, being the reasonable person that I am, I decided to PM her. In the hope that we could get to know each other and perhaps find a way to get along. Here's what I said in a PM I called "Get a grip":

"Look. You don't know me and I don't know you. So maybe we have begun on a bad note and I'll try to let you know a little about me so you can decide whether I'm the bitch you seem to think I am and vice versa. I'm often sarcastic and I love satire. I have a great capacity for friendship and no one who really knows me thinks I am a know-it-all. Do I think I'm an expert? On some things. Mainly having to do with my profession, my academic background, my interests like football and cooking, and my friends and family. Otherwise, I'm perfectly willing to admit that I don't know what I'm talking about. But that doesn't mean that I won't weigh in if I want to. No one has ever accused me of being shy or caring if people don't like what I have to say. You need to stop taking everything I say so seriously. Except when people insult my football team and imply insult to my city, I am joking most of the time. And I think the people who know me know when I am using a bit of hyperbole. You might want to spend some time getting to know me well enough to know when that is. Or you might not. Either way, I'm fine with that. But if you choose not to, at least do me the favor of getting off my back. I don't care to get into the pissing match you seem to want and I'd just like to avoid the conflict here if that is possible. I really do hope you'll take this message in the spirit in which it is offered. "

Not necessarily the friendliest note I've ever written, but not hostile, either. I really thought it seemed reasonable and offered the other person a way to either get to know me or just leave me alone. And I also firmly believe that it is best to take your major differences off the boards and settle them privately through email or PMs. It just seems the right thing to do so as not to drag the whole board into your disputes. So I eagerly awaited a response, hoping to turn that one enemy into a friend.

This morning, I got my reply.

"To be perfectly honest, your humor, or satire, or sarcasm, or whatever you call it, often just doesn't translate. If you don't want people to think you're being obnoxious, rude, paranoid, defensive, aggressive, absolutist, annoying, condescending, and elitist, than you may want to work on your delivery. You present your opinions as absolute fact, while insulting everyone who doesn't share YOUR opinion. It's not sarcasm, it's obnoxious. If it was a "joke" then you wouldn't come back so aggressively and defenisvely to defend those opinions. If it were so funny, then you wouldn't read personal attacks into every comment made about YOUR team, or YOUR city. If you choose to boast about YOUR team and YOUR city in your every post, than you should be prepared to get differing opinions in response. If you don't care what people think of what you say, then by all means, continue to insult people with your "humor". Just don't be so surprised when you get called on it. I'm not "on your back". I will continue to call out bullshit when I see it, from you or anyone else. If that bothers you, you might want to cut back on some of the bullshit. From now on, I'll just look at your posts as the big joke you say they are. I really do hope you'll take this message in the spirit in which it is offered. Yeah, I got your message loud and clear. From "get a grip" to calling me a bitch, to telling me that I shouldn't take what you say seriously. The "spirit" is clearly understood. In the future, if you've got a problem with what I say on the boards, respond to it on the boards, and we'll just let the board members decide who needs to 'get a grip.'"

So she'd rather make a private matter between the two of us something that we should inflict on everyone else on the boards.

Well, okay. I'm fine with that. Starting right here.

Bitch. I didn't actually say it before. Now I am. And I will a lot from here on in.