Glimpses Through the Fog

Haven't been around for a while. I don't want to depress all my friends and I simply can't concentrate. Yes, folks, I'm depressed. I have only a few coherent thoughts coming through the fog these days and they are not in any way profound or connected. But here they are.

• I'm beginning to think I'm radioactive. No one locally seems to have any interest in me. But men from my past who live hundreds and thousands of miles away are tracking me down and initiating long-distance relationships left and right. I'm beginning to think men believe I am safe as long as they keep lots of distance from me. Apparently, get too close and I am toxic.
• The ironic thing about that is I think I probably look the best I've looked in a decade. I don't know exactly how much weight I've lost, but it is significant. My size 10s can't be worn because they fall off and sag. I'm easily slipping into my size 8s. And I'm beginning to regret having gotten rid of all my size 6s because I'm pretty sure I could easily squeeze into a few of those. I guess the saying "fat and happy" is true because I'm positive "thin and unhappy" is what I am now.
• I am relieved to have the Thanksgiving holiday (and my birthday) over. While I went through the motions on Thanksgiving eve and day, I spent the rest of my vacation (Friday through Monday) by myself in my nest. Crying most of the time. Don't care to do that ever again, thank you very much.
• That said, I am very apprehensive about Christmas. The University is closed for two full weeks. That's a lot of time and, if I'm to survive it, I have to fill it. I'm trying to decide whether I should even put any Christmas decorations out. I'm definitely not putting up a tree. I simply don't have the heart for it.
• Thank heaven for my sister, Patty. She is at least determined that I will have something to do on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. And she isn't really giving me a choice. I will be spending NYEve at her restaurant and she insists that I get a new dress to wear for the party. I'll be staying with her and her husband that night and we will spend the next day eating pork and sauerkraut and watching football. I think she's afraid to leave me alone. She might be right if Thanksgiving is any indication.
• I got my Rock Star: INXS DVD and, after reliving the fun of that show, I'm just completely depressed at the thought of sitting through another season of American Idol. But, glutton for punishment that I am, I will.
• I've had one bright spot lately. I bought my very first BOB (battery operated boyfriend). If anyone ever tells you tales about the rabbit, believe them. Really.