Perhaps Forever

Wow. Just wow.

He's making an awfully big push. He took a day off of a week long business trip to his main campus in Erie. He's doing it to see me. He'd have been here like a shot if I'd given him any signal at all when he called tonight.

He says he thinks about me all the time. He's been saying that for months but he says it more and more often. I keep trying to tell him about all my faults. He won't listen. I keep bringing up all my interests that seem to turn off other men...like, oh, politics, history, reading, film, and, well, pretty much everything except music and sports. And we discover more and more in common. And, though he's older and just as educated, he seems to feel as if I know more about more things than he does.

It's immensely flattering. And, I admit, I could enjoy that for a very long time. Perhaps forever.

But...

Oh, always the but.

But still...

• He lives in Florida. I don't and I never will.
• He doesn't really know me. He thinks he does. But he doesn't. Right now, for some reason, he's idealizing me. Which just proves my point.
• My sister warned me to be careful with him. And then never really explained to my satisfaction what she meant by that. Since she and I rarely mince words with each other, that probably means trouble of some kind. Could be he's psycho in some way that is not yet apparent. Or it could be that she had some sort of flirtation with him (after all, she did introduce us all those years ago) and is now pissed at this turn of events. It certainly wouldn't be the first time the two of us clashed over a man.
• He's got three kids. And not even real kids. He's got...teenagers! One of them a teenage girl! I can't imagine anything worse. *shudder*
• He has rather strong Christian convictions. He doesn't push it on me. At least, not yet. Mainly because I've made it clear how I feel about that. But I don't trust that to last should this become something one could characterize as a "relationship." Which brings me to the most important point.
• I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm pretty comfortable and happy with things in my life as they stand right now. I don't want anything to change. In fact, I think I'd be perfectly happy to live just as I am for a very long time. Perhaps forever.

I'm starting to worry that I may inadvertently hurt his feelings. Or that I'll be forced into hurting his feelings on purpose. I'm afraid he's beginning to want more than I want to give.

To anyone.

I hope I'm wrong. I hope he's just thinking he has to act this way so we will keep having fabulous wild monkey sex. If so, he'll eventually get me and stop it. And we can keep doing what we're doing.

For a very long time. Perhaps forever.